“Life is always changing in order to remain always sustainable. Thus, every change that ever occurs is change for the better.” Neale Donald Walsch
Change seems to be the focus of the country right now. While change is never easy, some changes come with anticipation and excitement, while others come with fear and uncertainty. One is not necessarily better or easier, but all changes have their unique challenges. Whenever there is a change, it is important to separate out our emotions and our thoughts about the change. It is easy to get stuck in our judgement about a change. We may get so focused on how terrible the change will be that we miss the opportunity the change is providing. It is often illuminating when I work with clients to process through the thoughts that are attached to the judgements they hold. I begin by asking them to put words to some of the emotions they are having. Very rarely do we have one emotion. It is often a mixture of various emotions. I often think of emotions like colors. There are three primary colors, but by mixing them in varying amounts, beautiful hues and shades are created. By asking clients to sort through the emotions they are feeling, they may find there is mostly anger, but there is also a touch of embarrassment, fear, jealousy or sadness. I then ask them to think about the thoughts that are creating those emotions. Often thoughts that come up are catastrophic and sound like, ‘I will never be happy again,’ ‘No good can come of this,’ or ‘They will never forgive me.’ We then begin to question if those statements are true. I ask them to think about prior experiences and verify if they have factual evidence to support their thoughts. It is exciting when clients begin to recognize that their imagined version of the truth is not supported by facts. This is not to say that there are not any facts to support them, but often they begin to recognize that there are other ways of looking at the situation. Working through these simple questions is empowering because they realize that it isn’t the change that is stopping them, but instead it is the thoughts and judgements they are holding about the change. They then have a decision to make; do they want to change the future to duplicate the past or do they want to create something better? The change becomes the push they need to grow. What changes are you holding judgement about today?